Some Learning from Class of NLP Essentials 2006 Module 1

Hi,

I have just done the NLP Essentials 2006 Program Module 1 yesterday's evening. Just like every other time in all of my trainings I delivered, I learned from our classmates. Here are some inspiring ones I gained in this module:

1. Success is NOT being Happy. Being happy is the result of success.

2. Both adding good stuff and/or removing bad stuff can help.

3. Bad experience can be composed of many, many individual incidences. This makes them so difficult to change. But when you try to name all of the incidences, you just can't tell so many. We sometimes over-estimate our bad experiences!

4. In Chinese, the word "體驗" implies using our 'Body" to "Experiment". That means we must act to learn. But so many of us is not doing "體驗", but just "睇驗". We just want to watch to learn!

5. When you want something, at least ask for it! I don't mean that we should be lazy by doing nothing. But asking is also a kind of doing.


Keith

Learning from Life #51 - #55

Hi,

Here is another part of my learning from life in the past few weeks:

51. It is hard to change, and life is even harder if we don't change.

52. People don't like to hear the truth, and they do not like to hear the untrue either.

53. They like to hear the truth, with something untrue inside.

54. People want more even they might already having too much.

55. Destroy what you are doing before someone destroy it.

Keith
Explore, Exceed & Excel

Life: What You Give, Returns

Hi,

I posted the above message in last October. One of our friends recently send in his/her response as follows:

Hi Dr. If that's the case, then why do so many good people have bad lives and so many bad people seem to have good lives? I'm honestly curious.


I think that this is a good question, so I post my reply here:

Good question. There are so many reasons. Talk to a buddhist monk, he might give you even more insights.

Here are some of "my" reasons:

1. Good and bad people is a generalization. Does a good person does everything good? A bad person always bad?

2. Intention is another issue. The intention of doing something good or bad makes a difference.

3. Time is also another factor. In systems thinking, "delays" are something very common.

4. Things come back as opportunities. If one does not seize the opportunities coming to him/her, nothing good can be happened.

5. Focus is another issue. There are so many bad people getting bad results and good people getting good results. Focus on these people and count, you will be delighted to find good things do happen to good people and our prisons are so fully occupied.

6. "What you give, returns" is a belief that makes me keeping on giving. I choose to believe in this.

Keith
Explore, Exceed & Excel

Updated: Apr 11 2015

Coaching: It's OK Not to Understand

Hi,

I started the Da Vinci Notes Emailing for several months. My plan is to post one Da Vinci's Notes with my own ideas each day.

I stopped doing so since Jan 7 2006. I was totally stucked by his notes #55. I just couldn't understand what he intended to say.I stucked for 1.5 months.

I never tell others about my stuck. Yesterday, I talked to one of my best friends about this. Then suddenly, an idea came out of my mind - it's OK not to understand! Then I proceeded the emailing of Da Vinci Notes yesterday.

My Learning:

1. My friend had done nothing. When you are stuck, voice it out, or you are going to become even more stuck!
2. Why should anyone in the world understand everything? Everyone is learning and it's is really too OK not to understand something!
3. Just like doing coaching, the less we do/say, the more space for thinking the clients have.

Keith
Explore, Exceed & Excel

P.S. If you still want to receive my Da Vinci Notes + My Ideas, send a blank email to Da Vinci Notes Emailing Service.


Updated & Revised on Sept 14 2007

Personal Development: Failogy

Hi,

Failure is great and failure is sweet.

We are so fear of failure that we freeze when facing changes!

I started a website, www.failogy.com to introduce the concept of failing smart a few months ago. I am writing the 48 Principles of Failogy. I have just updated it and now there are 30 Principles.

If you want to learn more about Failing, Failure and Failogy, go to www.failogy.com now to take a look.

I like to request for some help. Please kindly give me your ideas about failure, failogy and the 30 Principles of Failogy so that I can share with all our friends. Just email me your ideas at keithto@keithto.com.

Thanks a lot!

Keith
Explore, Exceed & Excel

Coaching: Does Coach Give Advice?

Hi,

This is an old question. Some say yes and some say no.

My opinion is "NO".

If we coaches give advices, then what is the difference between a coach and a consultant and/or trainer?

Many authorities in our field will tell you to give advices when your clients ask you to do so. Their rationale is that when our clients need advices, it is then our responsibility to give.

I totally can't agree with this.

Your clients will surely need advices if you are willing to give. Everyone wants shortcuts to their problems. "Everyone" includes clients and coaches.

Coaches give advices only because they want to give.

It seems to be easier for coaches when they can't help their clients to find their own answers. Advices just block the clients' way for their own answers. Coaching minimizes dependence because we do not give advices. We "train" our clients to uncover their own, and to think wider and deeper. Giving advices reduces the width and the depth of clients' thinking. It hurts in a long run than help!

It is our profession to help others through questioning, just like a teacher helps his/her students through teaching. Could a teacher sit in the examination for his/her students simply because he/she can't teach them to be successful in learning?

Coaching has its limitations. When we can't help our clients through coaching, we can then discuss with them to seek other professional services in order to solve their problem, or refer them to a coach who can help them better.

Do I give advice to my clients? Yes, when it is an emergence. When my clients is going to hurt themselves or others, when they are going to do something illegal, I will just advise them to think again!

In many scenarios, coaching can't help much. But I still respect my profession. I do what I suppose to do!

Keith
Explore, Exceed & Excel

Updated: Apr 11 2015

Hypnosis: Hypnosis is about Changes Part 2

Hi,

This is Part 2 of my series of Hypnosis is about Changes.

As mentioned in Part 1, hypnotherapist facilitating changes can be done at the Cause/Factors, Problem(s) or the Symptoms Levels. The easiest is the Symptoms Level. We do it by giving Post-Hypnotic Suggestions.

The problem using suggestions is it seldom really works.

When the symptoms are being removed by suggestions and the "Problem(s)" still exist, it can simply generate another symptom or the same symptom later. But this can be effective under either of these two conditions:

1. You identified the true Motivation for the change needed and the Motivation is big enough.

2. The Symptom is just one of the many ways that can "stablize" the "Problem". It is NOT the Only and/or Key way to do so.

For Condition 1, true motivation can seldom be identified in Conscious Mind (when client is awake). They are usually buried in the Sibconscious Mind. To be effective, we use the motivations found in both mind to persuade both the conscious and the subconscious minds. We get such information of the conscious mind during Pretalk while we can identify the motivation of the subconscious mind using techniques like, Inner Guide, Inner Healer, Communicate with the Disease Entity, Hypno-Analysis, Motivation Mapping, Hypnotic Uncovering Technique and the ES Therapy.

You can do nothing about Condition 2. Condition 1 is a matter of skills while Condition 2 is a matter of Luck!

Motivation is the key to effective hypnotic suggestions. So, we formulate our Main Suggestion using the format of "Changes because Motivation".

When you can't help the clients to improve at the "Symptom(s) Level", go to the higher levels. The higher levels can be more effective, but need greater skills and might invlove more pains to the clients!

I will talk more about the "Cause Level" in Part 3.

Keith

Learning from Life #46 - #50

Hi,

Here is another part of my learning from life:

46. Forgiving is still the best way to get rid of the bad feeling when someone did something bad to you. I choose to forgive the one who did something bad to me that day.

47. People is neither good or bad. People is people!

48. The more senior someone is, the more he/she opens to learn.

49. It is not what happens to a person that is important. It is what he thinks about it.

50. It is not what happens to a person that is important. It is what he does about it.

Keith
Explore, Exceed & Excel

Hypnosis: Transference

Hi,

Transference is a problem faced by all helping professionals. This problem might not caused by you, but you can still be affected. No matter you are a therapist, coach, counsellor, trainer or even a manager.

If you don't understand this problem, you might find yourself confused or annoyed.

Your clients might project some positive qualities (you might not have them) onto you. This makes them thinking you are great. They like you or even love you. This is the Positive Transference. It seems good but all his/her perceptions about you are based on false assumptions. Sooner or later, they might "discover" the "truth" and then he/she might turn against you. He/she might attack you as they think you had cheated them, though you have done nothing all from the beginning. Your clients might even shifted into another form of Transference, the Negative Transference.

The Negative Transference is the opposite of the Positive Transference. They might project some negative qualities (again you might not have them) onto you. This makes them thinking you are bad, really bad.

You cannot do much about Transference. One of the precautions is to keep professional distance with your clients. But transference can still happen even though you take your precaution.

Just don't be happy too soon when you find your clients "like" you or don't be too upsetted when they "hate" you!

Keith

Hypnosis: Hypnosis is About Changes Part 1

Hi,

I seldom write about hypnosis. So I decide to write several short articles about my concepts of hypnotherapy. This is Part 1 of the series.

Hypnosis is about changes. We want to change because we do not satisfy with something about ourselves. It can be a bad habit, an addiction, a weakness, or a psychosomatic disease. It is something we don't want, consciously. But we just can't get rid of it because there can be some sub-conscious reasons, Cause and/or Factors.

A Cause is something happened in the past that caused your "Problem". There must a cause to everything. This is simple logic. Factors are something that create the condition for your "Problem". You can change your "Problem" by working on your Cause and/or your Factors.

One thing you must bear in mind that your bad habit, an addiction, a weakness, or a psychosomatic disease is NOT your "Problem". It is just the Symptom or one of the Symptoms of your "Problem". Your "Problem" is that something behind the Symptoms. For example, people has an addiction to alcohol can be just a Symptom of feeling stressed (i.e. the "Problem"). If we just remove the Symptom, some other Symptom can appear (or the same Symptom reappears later) as the "Problem" is still there.

To summarize:

Cause -- Problem(s) -- Symptom(s)

Factor(s)

To successfully change, we can work on the Cause, the Factors, and/or the "Problem" itself. Well-trained Hypnotherapists work on either of these. (I am talkig about working on the "Problem", not removing it. If you remove the "Problem", the Cause will just create another "Problem". I will talk about it in greater details in later articles)

Keith