Monday, November 28, 2005

Learning from Life 26-30


Here are my next 5 learning from life this week:

26. We can be strong, but not tough.

27. Nearly everyone knows family is more important than money, but most of us are doing otherwise!

28. There is no absolute safety. Sometimes we need to jump into something that we just don't fully know.

29. Even some problems can't be solved, we can still move nearer to the solutions!

30. Changes are unavoidable. It is either you change, or something changes you!

Hope you enjoy this week's learning!


Friday, November 18, 2005

Learning from Life 21-25


Here are another of my 5 learning from life:

21. "Needs" have a greater drive than "Wants".

22. Nobody makes your life miserable. Everybody is so busy about their own life!

23. Not being Unhappy is not the same as being Happy.

24. Truth doesn't matter, how you see the truth matters.

25. The number of things completed is far less than the number of things started.


The Passing of Peter Drucker, Father of Modern Management


Peter Drucker, father of modern management passed away peacefully last Friday.

Peter Drucker is the most influential management writer in the past one hundred years. Professor Drucker remained active until end of his life, at the age of 95.

Many people believe that Prof Drucker's thinking is 20 years ahead of all others. I don't quite agree with this. It should be at least 40 years ahead! I am still reading one of his best books, the Effective Executive, first published in 1966. So many of the ideas inside this book are still found very valuable today!

As a final salute to this giant, I am planning a special talk about his ideas in the Effective Executive. This is going to be a free talk so that more people can know more about Prof Drucker.

I will announce the details of this free talk soon in our Excel Your Life Newsletter. (


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Criticizing Others Part 4


This should be my final part of this series.

People criticizes!

This is a 向下沉淪 cycle. (BTW, I had identified 13 向下沉淪 cycles. I had already shared 7 in various occasions. This is the 8th)

This is a 向下沉淪 cycle because we only criticize people above us. The more we criticize, the more people are above us. That simply means that we are falling!

I decided not to step into this 向下沉淪 cycle. I formulated another strategy. (Being an NLPer, I like strategies and modeling!)

When I hear myself starting criticising (Adi), I stop and feel (Ki). It is a feeling of being threatened. I visualize what's threatening me (Vic). It should be a picture of he/she doing something better than me. I visualize how I can do it as him or her (Vic). I learn. Then I visualize how I can do it better than him or her (Vic). Then I try it physcially (Ke). I look for the result (Ve) as feedback. I improve further. I do not need to criticize any more, because I am better than or at least as good as him or her.

If you do not understand those strange NLP terms, my strategy is simply as follow: When I find myself starting critizing, I stop and think. He or she must be better than me. So I learn from his or her strengthen. Then I do not need to criticize as I am at least as good as him or her.

As I start to learn, I step into another cycle, the 向上提升 Cycle.


Criticizing Others Part 3


People Criticizes!

People criticizes simply because of protecting him/herself! So, I criticize, too. This is forgivable.

People criticize at others' back because of safety. So, I criticize at others' back, too. This is forgivable.

Safety? Yes. Some people take a further step forward. Even though criticizing at others' back is safer, it is not safe enough. So, they pretend to care about that poor guy in front of others. Then they safely insert their criticism within those kind words. What a smart strategy!

One can do this consciously or unconsciously.

Why do I said all these? This is just a reminder to myself. If I am really caring about someone, I will tell him or her directly. Or I will do something for him or her, but not saying anything behind others.

I wish that I can really do the above. So I write all these to myself!


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Criticizing Others Part 2


People Criticizes.

This is bad and unproductive to anybody. But nearly everybody does it. (of course, including me)

But why does people critcize?

I am not a psychologist, I don't know the exact answer. But I have modelled myself and here is my own logics for criticizing others.

When someone is better than me, I feel being threatened. Even though he does nothing harming me, I still feel being threatened. (This is a feeling, it can be not logical)

So, I start to criticize him/her. This makes me feeling that he/she is not that good. This also makes me feeling that those others who hear my criticism will also think that he/she is not that good. This is a more important part of criticizing. When I feel that others also find someone is better, they might then look down upon me. He/she is good, then I must be bad!

I will not criticize in front of this person. He/she might attack back. He/she is better than me and I might just not be able to handle his/her attacking back. It is safer to do it behind him/her.

It seems that I just can't prevent this. This is a typical "Flight or Fight Response" when facing "Dangers". I do it both. I flight to the back of others and then fight them. Or you can call this "Defence by Attacking at the Back". (i.e. 主動從後襲擊) This is a survival mechanism! This is our basic instinct.

I am glad to discover my own strategy of criticizing. I can do nothing if I don't know my strategy. But I can always adjust it when I understand it.


Criticizing Others


People criticizes!

You can always hear so many people criticizing others. Some even do something to hurt others without gaining anything. (Or they might think that they can gain something out of it!) I just wonder whether this is an inborn nature of human beings.

I can't escape from criticizing other, too. So I always remind myself to stop doing this. Not because I am a "good" guy and others are bad. It is simply because from my observation, those who criticize most are those who get least from their lives!

I did a modeling on this criticizing thing.

1. People criticize those above them. (Position, capability, earning...)
2. People don't criticize those who are very high above them. They admire them!
3. People don't criticize those who are too low below them. They feel pity about them.

So, when you know someone is critcizing behind you, feel happy. You must be higher above them! But be also reminded that you are not that high. They do not admire you yet!


Friday, November 04, 2005

Learning from Life 16-20


This is my fourth part of the Learning from Life Series. Here are some of my learning last week. Hope you like them.

16. People don't know what they want because their environment tells them that it is not possible to get it.

17. Envy hurts. Both yourself and others.

18. Frustration comes from doing what you think others expecting you to do.

19. Knowing is different from Knowledge! (知識與學問)

20. Behaviour is different from Personality!


我選擇快樂 reaches her 5th Printing


My book, 我選擇快樂 (co-authored with Mr. John Lau) just reaches her fifth printing this month. 5th printings in one year, I am very happy about this. This only proves one important thing. This book might not be a good one, but people really want happiness from their lives. I like to express my thanks for all your support to this book.

Life is full of harshness but also happiness. There are so many books about success, but not so many talking about happiness.

We actually do not want success, but happiness! If success doesn't bring you happiness, do you still want it?

What do I like most of this book? Her title. This keeps on reminding me that we can choose to be happy!


Wednesday, November 02, 2005

RCC 2005 Class Graduated!


I have just completed the Registered Corporate Coach Program 2005 of the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches ( last week.

All participants had passed the final assessments. Congratuation to all of them!

Upon completing their assignments, we have 26 more RCC in Hong Kong!

I really like to thanks for their kind support and cooperation in the past months. Hope that they enjoyed and learned from the program.

Our next RCC Program will start in June 2006. Details will be posted soon at If you want to learn how to coach in business setting and get the RCC Designation from the only international business coaching organization, don't miss it!


Coaching: During Coaching, do we need to make our clients at ease?


This is a very common misunderstanding. I never explained this enough in all my coach training.

The answer is not necessarily yes!

When you are going to persuade someone, you must make them at ease. When they are comfortable, they listen to your words and feeling safe.

But when you are doing coaching, you can create some pressure. The pressure urges them to think and answer your questions. Sometimes a facial expression of being not very understanding can make your clients doing their best to explain further. This can be better than lots of follow-up questions.

The pressure you created can "force" people to think out of box or to think outside the "Black Dot" that I mentioned in classes.

I have always said that coaching is not for all. Only those who are willing to take their own responsibility and accountability is coachable. (Being not coachable doesn't mean that they are bad!)

Those who are coachable will respond positively to your pressure. Those who are not will not! If they are not coachable, do something else instead, like guiding, leading or instructing.

Coaching is NOT a replacement for all other people management skills!

Explore, Exceed & Excel

Updated & Revised on Sept 14 2007