Friday, May 11, 2007

Personal Development: Goals, Surrender and Release


One of our participants emailed me some good questions and she allows me to publish here:

1. 我上過你五堂的NLP簡介課程, 昨天, 又參加了你的 Round-Table講座, 印象中, 你一直強調發展的重要, 可是, 昨天講座完結前, 你又提出十五個簡約生活法, 包括減少期望和放棄目標, 這個, 跟不斷追求向上發展, 好像有矛盾。

They are not a paradox if you can understand it. Most of the people do not have a goal and do not know what they really want.

But some have too many goals or expectations. When goals and expectation become too many and are not well think-through, these goals and expectations turn into barriers to understand and work towards what they really want.

If you are clear about your goals and expectations, of course you do not need to reduce them. But if you are not, it can be a good idea to stop having any of them and start to define your own success. Go Back to Basic to start again is a great way to simplify one's life.

2. 是不是懂得「放手」, 重要過未經思考, 便跳進簡約生活? 我覺得, 如果心不平、心不靜, 無論你採用任何一種生活方式, 也會不斷給自己製造問題。

「放手」is admitting something that might not be able to change and there are facts of life. Then we change what we can change. Release those can't be changed and focus on those can!

3. 你昨天解釋 放棄 vs 放手, 我接收得不太清楚。我想, 「放棄」會不會是當事人在事情仍有迴旋的空間的時候, 當事人選擇不再付出努力, 是撒手不做也不理; 而「放手」, 則是事情已經完結, 完全不由當事人主動再去做些什麼, 這樣, 當事人唯有放手。

I had explained 放手 in Q2. 「放棄」 is surrendering. One who gives up before studying the situation clearly simply because the situation seems to be difficult. It is good to 「放手」. But 「放棄」 can be misleading.

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